Go away, Lyndon LaRouche!
August 26th, 2007
Godwin's Law: As the length of any given discussion approaches infinity, the probability of a comparison to Nazis or Satan approaches one.
My university's chapter of the LaRouche Democrats is living proof of that. Obviously, you don't know, so here's the breakdown: at least at the University of Houston, the LaRouche Democrats are a club that frequently protests the Bush Administration, Al Gore, the Queen Mother, and anyone who doesn't support their hackneyed economic policies (nevermind that their leader had barely spent a year in college and never made a successful economic forecast.) Sometimes they just hand out mass-produced pamphlets brimming with obscenity, sometimes they sing classical music (points for originality,) sometimes they desperately try to forget their own club's violent history. More on that later.
I have literally been chased by club cult members between classes because I gave their pamphlets a "whatever" when they were waved in my face. That was approximately the time my general reaction transitioned from bewilderment to pissed off.
When they're not passing out pamphlets, they've got some rather interesting banners propped up in front of the library: "A vote for Bush is a vote for Hitler" ( Daily Cougar Article, circa 2004, ) "Bush: Like corn, only dumber," and a sign with a monkey on it and a profane reference to Dick Cheney (I don't remember the wording. I saw "LaRouche Democrats" in the corner and ran like a spooked deer.)
The LRDs are seldom seen without a part of the three-volume hardcover book Children of Satan at their side, which is essentially a bash at "beast-man" Cheney. One of their pamplets juxtaposed Al Gore with several robed Klansmen.
Who the Hell is LaRouche, anyway?
Lyndon LaRouche, a Presidential candidate since the 1970s, is hardly the Democrat he makes himself out to be. Anyone who isn't him agrees that his plans are more consistent with fascism. And that is ignoring his motioning to quarantine AIDS victims, opposition to free market, and opposition to counterculture (more on that later,) extensive history of anti-Semitism (more on that later,) and extensive history of anti-black racism (more on...wait, it's a long article and there's already sources covering that.)
In 1973, LaRouche carried out an oft-forgotten order: Operation Mop-Up. In a nutshell, the LaRouche subsidiary National Caucus of Labor Committees carried out a nationwide series of stormings and beatings against selected left-wing organizations, including the National Welfare Rights Organization, the Communist Party USA, the Socialist Workers Party, and the Martin Luther King Coalition. Weapons used against meetings of these organizations included bats, chains, and nunchuku.
The results weren't pretty.
Courtesy Daily World.
"The clown show is over. The NCLC warns the SWP and its comrades-in-hysteria: when you did all the fighting for the CP at the Mayoral forum, we held back - we gave you a mild warning, though several of your members were bloodied and broken. But should you repeat as goons for the CP, we will put all of you in the hospital: we will deal with you as we are dealing with the CP."
- Lyndon LaRouche, New Solidarity, April 3, 1973
Intimidation and thuggery is not LaRouche's keynote: if anything about him is memorable, it's his conspiracy theories. A good lot of them, too, mostly centered around the United Kingdom. LaRouche is to Britain as Jack Chick is to Catholics.
Here's a partial list of thing that are happening in LaRouche's little world (I am not exaggerating) :
- The Queen of England is head of the biggest drug gang in the world.
- The British Empire financed the Confederacy in the Civil War
- The Beatles and the Rolling Stones were weapons developed by MI6's Psychological Warfare Division
- The Queen assassinated Princess Diana
- The Queen put out a hit on LaRouche in response to the above
- The United States planned 9/11
- Jews caused 9/11
- A secret order headed by sci-fi writer H.G. Wells is trying to destroy science
- Counterculture was created by said order
- Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Pokemon are British Satanic cults
- The World Wildlife Fund is trying to spark World War III
- Jews are trying to take over the world (again)
- Jews caused the Iraq War
- Halo 3 is part of a conspiracy to stop children from learning cold fusion (Second Life and Wikipedia are in on it, too)
- British secret agent Rupert Murdoch caused Virginia Tech
- Another secret order headed by Leo Strauss pulled the US into Iraq
- The CIA kidnapped and brainwashed one of his followers to assassinate him, Manchurian Candidate style
- Communists, Zionists, narcotics dealers, Rockefellers, the US, and the UK all tried to assassinate him
- Journalists that criticize him only do so because they're coerced by investment counselor John Train
Holy shit. This has all the makings of a Dan Brown thriller, if Dan Brown made his chapters longer and relied on Mad Libs. I have my doubts there won't be something like this in the near future:
And the inside flap:
A humble economist did not know what he was getting into when he took up that job at Walmart. When he uncovers a secret plot by the British to use his discount iPods to make children more susceptible to the Beatles' mind control music, it is up to him and his cult following of college freshmen to stop the Secret Order of Straussians from resurrecting H.G. Wells from the grave and using his army of hippies and drug users to destroy science. Can he do it in time to screw up his next Presidential bid?
Why am I so sure this will happen? Don't forget that by then, I'll be the best designer in the universe. Impressed by my expertise, and somehow never getting wind of this article, the LaRouche Youth Movement will commission me to design the cover for Part IV of their Children of Satan series. I'll give them the masterpiece above in return and escape to a deserted luxury island with their payment: their entire campaign budget for the year, a lifetime supply of Mountain Dew, and forty swimsuit models who coincidentally are all Ayn Rand fans. Did I mention I rule at predicting the future?
While we're on the subject of conspiracy theories, let me throw one out there: whatever became of Jeremiah Duggan? 18-year-old British Jew Jeremiah Duggan was found dead on the side of the road March 27th, 2003 in Weisbaden, Germany.
One week before, Duggan was invited to an anti-war conference by the Schiller Institute, the LaRouche Movement's thinktank, in Weisbaden, Germany. On March 27th, 4:15 a.m, Duggan's mother and girlfriend received several desperate phone calls from Jeremiah, proclaiming that his life was in danger and that he needed rescuing.
That was the last that was heard of him. The police ruled that he commited suicide by running into the street, and did not carry out an autopsy, and the case was closed. Recent postmortem exams suggest that Duggan was not hit by any cars, and furthermore, there's evidence of a beating. (www.justiceforjeremiah.com)
But Fenris! Isn't that just a conspiracy theory, lol? Yes it is. Since LaRouche apparently has the free time to fill his life with conspiracies, what's the harm of pinning a murder on him to go with the hit attempts and British mind control?
LaRouche's Response: the accusations were part of a campaign against him orchestrated by the British Foreign Office and Dick Cheney's...wife. ( I WISH I were making this up. ) For further reading, Google David Icke.
LPAC members, being anti-war. They were magically able to pixellate their faces for the camera.
Back to the campus: Now, I'm not exactly a fan of Bush/Cheney/Iraq myself, but I can think of no other group as off-kilter at the U of H as the LaRouche Democrats. The Anti-Defamation League has classified this group as an anti-Semitic cult (LaRouche sued in response.) This club is the only club that so liberally posts derogatory remarks (even Vegan Outreach is more mellow, but they're not off the hook, either. Stay tuned.)
Four Great Ways to Piss off a Pack of LaRouchies
1: If they're singing, get a group of friends together to drown them out with Rickrolls. Admittedly, any music produced after the 1920s is acceptable, but Rickrolls will cost them over 9000 hit points.
2: Sit across from them and read a newspaper. Nothing special; business section, funnies, coupons, anything, so long as it ignites their ire for the elite-banker-Jew-British-controlled media.
3: Discuss video games with your buddies. With a British accent. Bonus points if the games discussed are rated E10+ or less.
4: Sarcasm is excellent medicine. If they've got signs, make your own.
If you accomplish any of these, you are automatically eligible for Sekrit Society Approval. Or not.
On second thought, ignore everything that has been written here. I have been forced to write this by the British. Damn the subliminal messages on my Rolling Stones album!
Read the LaRouche PAC's first pathetic response to this page here and their second here.
Back to Ramblings...
